Hello loyal fan thanks for reading (that’s purposefully singular, you know who you are)! This entry is about how recently I had a famous person on my flight!
Even hitmen have to go on vacation with their families.
It has been another long break in Marc’s Terminal Illness but not because of I haven’t been spending hours in airports, watching humanity at its best! Because I most definitely have: Summertime flying is really the most amazing time to people watch in airports: The flights are oversold and everybody acts like going on vacation is a dire emergency (there are a lot of fed-up dad’s in Bermuda shorts yelling at their families, “There’s no time for McDonald’s!”). I have been in the process of moving for the last couple of months to Los Angeles, and it has sadly taken a lot of my brain power (which I had very little of to begin with) and time (for the as the corresponding teeth-whitening, tanning and breast implants I needed before I felt comfortable making the move). So with out the usual allotment of plenty of time to waste and procrastinate (which is my usual writing process) the two tiny squirrels in my brain responsible for writing things have been slacking off.
This is what happens when you “L.A.” comedy.
You don’t want to hear excuses though, you want to know about a famous person!
This is what I really want to see: baby bears Thai fighting.
I have been flying out of LAX for the last eight months. I was thinking how I never see anybody famous. I would think I would but because I spend so much time walking around LAX. I mean if a famous person has to fly somewhere (and they aren’t quite so famous as to have a private jet) they would have to leave out of LAX, right? (Well actually no, it turns out there are a ton of other airports in the LA area that are smaller and more private that they could fly out of). Okay assuming they want to fly to Japan or anywhere in the Pacific, famous people have to fly out of LAX? Right?
Other people have stories to tell of a celebrity sighting, but I didn’t have any of my own. It reminds me of a recent trip to Alaska and my hopes of seeing a bear. It turns out that even in a bear’s natural habitat, it’s pretty hard to see a bear. Celebrities are the same way. (To be honest, I’d rather see a bear; or better yet a bear eating a celebrity. That would really check all the boxes.)
I can’t help it. I wish I was above being interested in celebrity sightings but I am not. I have an especially weird fascination with famous people: I want to
I was going to insert a picture of Ron Jeremy here, but I feel that guy gets way too much exposure. And for what? For being kind of a disgusting human being? I thought I would give some publicity to another “Ron.” Check out Ron Tolliver’s bluegrass album!
know how tall they are. I always ask people I fly with which famous people they’ve had on their flights. It seems like Ron Jeremy, the porn star, is a fairly common one. Everybody says he’s a decent guy and that he keeps his pants on, but is as short as you would think. I’ve met a couple of people with Arnold sightings and he is not as tall as you’d think (It seems like most of the people, actors I guess specifically,
That’s Nikki Sixx on the left…or maybe it’s the right. I don’t know, I can’t tell them apart.
turn out to be shorter than you would think). Nikki Sixx, the bassist for Motley Crue, as tall as you’d think, but more of a dick than you would think. Vince Vaughn? Even taller than you’d think. As much as I enjoy these titular height-based details from other people, I never had any of my own to share. Until now.Recently on a flight from Albuquerque and LA, I got a call from the flight attendant (who just so happened to be my girlfriend Amy). She asked excitedly and out of breath, “Do you know who is in first class?” My stomach got excited. Who could it be? Was it an actor? A reality star? Were they undercover? And most importantly: How tall were they?
“I don’t know, who is it?!” I couldn’t wait for her answer.
Alan Arkin is an awesome human being.
“Alan Arkin!”
“The Alan Arkin?”
“Yes, the Alan Arkin, the grandpa from ‘Little Miss Sunshine! And he’s the nicest man in the world!” She couldn’t wait to go into the details. “He and his wife are both back here and they are the sweetest people and we’re having the greatest time!”
MY FAVORITE SCENE IN LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (WARNING: A FAIR AMOUNT OF WELL-EXECUTED PROFANITY)
Alan Arkin as Yossarian in the film version of “Catch 22,” my favorite book!
Now if you are saying to yourself, “Alan who?” Shame on you! Alan Arkin is a national treasure that’s been a mainstay of American cinema for over fifty years. If you look at his IMDB page he’s been in a lot of movies. Some great, some not so good. But the thing about Alan Arkin is that what ever his part in a movie is, even if it’s really small, it will always be memorable. Even in the forgettable and recent, “The Incredible Burt Wonderstone,” Alan Arkin was worth watching. If you haven’t seen last year’s “Argo,” you need to go see it right now. It’s an awesome example modern classic American
Alan Arkin and his lovely wife, Suzanne were on my flight!
cinema (You should listen to me! Because I have no credibility to make such statements!). Alan Arkin’s part in that movie is easily my favorite (“Glengarry Glen Ross” anybody?)If you can’t tell. I am a huge Alan Arkin fan. So needless to say, I was as excited as Amy to have Alan Arkin on my airplane. In fact I can’t think of any other famous person I would rather have on my plane. Amy, knowing how excited I was to have him on board, actually convinced him come up to the cockpit after the flight. He shook our hands and B.S.’d for a couple of minutes like a normal guy. He even said what an amazing smile Amy had (which is probably the only reason he came up). SO I finally have my celebrity sighting. I am happy to report that Alan Arkin is even cooler and nicer in person than you would think, and as exactly tall as you would expect.
Oh you wanted Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt or Kim Kardashian? In the words of Alan Arkin, “Argo F@#k yourself!”
CLASSIC ALAN ARKIN IN “ARGO:”
Hey have you had any random celebrity encounters? Please share in the comment section!
